What have I done

I did the unthinkable.
From what I've stayed away from for so long.
I finally ventured into unchartered waters
In anticipation of man-eating sharks.
I hope, if they kill me,
It will be
In one swift, merciful blow.
Without any delay in their murder
Before they let my corpse go.

At least then I can say that
I've tried
That I gave it a shot
Gosh! The stress of waiting
Leaves me flustered hot!

I don't know if I should even hope
That they'd welcome me into the flock
With open arms
Across former road blocks.

Well, I've sent the email
I've sealed my fate in;
With my former tutor on the block
Chances may be slim.